


I do Love you, I just can't Show it

by Super_Blue



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Spencer Reid, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hurt Jack Hotchner, Hurt Spencer Reid, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Spencer Reid, M/M, Possessive Aaron Hotchner, Protective Aaron Hotchner, Protective Jack Hotchner, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sad Spencer Reid, Shy Spencer Reid, Smut, Team as Family, Teen Jack Hotchner, Top Aaron Hotchner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:00:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23443612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Super_Blue/pseuds/Super_Blue
Summary: After Spencer moves in with Aaron and Jack, Jack starts giving him a hard time. Aaron doesn't know how to help and ends up making things worse. After a fight during a case an unsub forces Jack to realize how much Spencer would sacrifice for him and his dad.Jack is a teenager in this.Also I did this instead of sleep.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner & The BAU Team, Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid/The BAU Team, Jack Hotchner & Spencer Reid, Spencer Reid & The BAU Team, Spencer Reid/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 579





	I do Love you, I just can't Show it

**Author's Note:**

> This is really angsty. But also fluffy. Aaron and JAck make some mistakes but they end up realizing what they've done. I wanted Jack to be a teenager in this so he is. He's about 16.

There was a case in Virginia. It was rare but not unheard of for the team to stay home for a case. But it was typically a good thing. With Spencer transitioning into Aaron and Jacks home, and the others having more time to develop personal lives, having a case at home was well appreciated. But it still meant there was a deadly killer on the loose, now in their home town. 

They knew who the killer was. After finding out they went after him. Prentiss and Reid had almost caught him, but he shot Prentiss in the arm and got away. It was getting late and someone needed to pick up Jack. But an altercation had occurred the night before. And now Spencer was receiving texts from his newly adopted teenage son.

“Aaron I need you to look at this.”

“It can’t wait?” Aaron replied sounding exasperated. 

“No it really can’t. Can we take this to your office? Please?” Spencer asked with an underlying meaning to his words. The team watched as the two tensely made their way to Hotch’s office. A few minutes later they started to hear the conversation more clearly as it heated up and Aaron got louder.

“Well maybe he’s right!” They heard Hotch yell at his fiancé. Both inside and outside Hotch’s office were quite for a few minutes before Spencer came out of the room and almost walked right into Penelope. “Spence wait! Just- At least tell me where your going.” Arron pleaded following Spencer out the door.

“I-I’m just gonna pick up Jack and go home for a bit. Cool off.” Aaron made to follow him but JJ and Rossi stopped him.

“Just let him go. He’s right. You both need to cool off.” JJ said in her mom voice. Aaron knew that meant there was no denying her.

“What the hell did you do to my best friend.” Derek came up and practically snarled in Aarons face. “If you hurt him I swear to god that wedding isn’t happening and we are both transferring. You will never see him again and-“

“Sugar let him explain first.” Penelope butt as Morgan had subconsciously backed Hotch into his office again.

Aaron sighed and rubbed his face. “Jack… Hasn’t been adjusting well. I know he really likes Spencer but since he’s moved in he’s been acting out against him. Last night-last night Spencer was talking over dinner and Jack lashed out. He told him to shut up and kept complaining about how he talks to much.”

“Did he?” Emily inquired with a curious look.

“Did he what?” 

“Did Spence stop talking?”

Aarons face paled. “Yeah. God I feel terrible for him. He’s tried so hard to make both me and Jack as happy as possible. And all we’ve done is torture him. After that I think all he said last night was ‘Goodnight.’ But Jack feels like I’m trying to replace Hayley. And after what I put him through. After seeing her murdered. I can’t deny him those feelings. He needs to be able to vent. I-I know I shouldn’t let him take it out on Spence but- I don’t know what else to do!” Aaron hid his face in his hands.  
“I know this is hard on all three of you Aaron. But that’s why you have to be there for both of them. And they’ll try and do the same. Spencer can’t take both of you at once. And there’s only so much inventing that the rest of us can do.” JJ sympathized. Putting a reassuring hand on Aarons shoulder.

“So what did you fight about today?” Rossi asked.

“Jack- Jack was texting Spence. Calling him things. Saying things about him.”

“Like what?”

“God. I know these are things most teenagers say at some point but its hard for me to imagine a kid being this cruel. He kept telling spencer that he’s just my little-little toy to play with when I’m bored. Stuff like that. Kept calling him a slut. It’s not fair to Spence at all but Jacks a teenager. He can’t help his feelings.” Aaron recalled. Feeling like a failure.

“And you told Spencer he was right!” Morgan shouted.

“I-I did… didn’t I. Oh god I never meant that. But Spence was asking where he learned this stuff. And-and saying maybe we should go to family counseling. But-but it’s not that bad! Not bad enough for that?”

“Maybe it is Aaron. Your son is bullying your fiancé. And with Spencer’s experiences having these interactions in a place he’s supposed to call home. From a person who is supposed to love him? Without the support he needs from you it’s only a matter of time until he can’t take it anymore. And we all know he loves you both to much to leave you. It’ll just slowly tear him apart.” In that moment Morgan’s words made more sense than a lot of things to Aaron. And he hated himself for it.

“Aaron you have support from all of us. So do Jack and Spencer. But you can’t choose sides between them.” JJ’s voice was soft and calming but Aaron still felt like a scumbag after realizing what he’s put his lover through.

“Ok. When I get home I’ll sit them down and talk to them. I’ll make sure jack knows this is unacceptable behavior and that they both know that we are a family and I love them equally.”

“Good-“ Their conversation was cut short as Penelope’s tablet dinged.

“Oh my god! His phone just turned back on. I know where he is. He’s-“ Penelope froze.

“Garcia? What? Where is he?” Prentiss came up behind her and looked down at the screen.

“Hotch!” Prentiss started sprinting out the office door. “He’s at your house!”  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
“Ugh dad sent you to pick me up?” Jack Hotchner whined as he slid into the front seat next to his new stepdad. The 16 year old really truly loved Spencer. He was cool and fun and could do so much that both Hotchner’s could never image being capable of. But he was marrying his dad! And some of the others at school had found out and were not impressed. Jack had never been one to listen to his peers. But it still stung. His dad was marrying a man. He had no problem with that. But Spencer was a nerdy, weird, gangly, freak. And Jack had told him so. Often.

“Jack…” Spencer seemed deflated and Jack looked him up and down. Jacks curiosity instantly peaked.

“What’s wrong with you?” He tried to sound uninterested but that protectiveness over Spencer that his dad and him shared couldn’t quite be suppressed.

“Nothing lets just go home.” Spencer tried to use as few word as possible.

“Fine.”  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
When the two pulled up at home Jack jumped out of the car and jogged up to the front door. He poked the code into the alarm after unlocking the door and automatically dropped his backpack in the door. A couple minutes later Spencer came in and quietly set the backpack on the table. That was weird. Usually Spencer would ask Jack to do it and then ask about homework. But Spencer went straight into the kitchen silently.

Jack poked his head into the kitchen and saw Spencer starting dinner on the stove. Spender turned around to get something off the kitchen island and froze. Jacks eyebrows furrowed and then his eyes widened ad he felt cold steel press up against his neck.

“Don’t hurt him. Please. You know this won’t go anywhere good for you. We know who you are and what you’ve done. Hurting him will only solidify the death penalty.” Spencer said slowly.

“Ah ah.” Jack heard a rough voice right behind his ear. “Don’t worry Doctor Reid. I don’t have any interests in children. See you and your lady friend managed to find me once. So I decided to return the favor and find you. I had a steady life. Doing what I wanted. The people I killed were worthless faggots and they deserved it. But you just had to ruin it didn’t you!” The man shook and the knife jolted against Jacks jugular. “But guess what I found. That one of the agents that caught me was just like the whores I killed. So I parked outside the BAU and followed you. Your smart so you should be able to figure out the rest.”

“The only reason you feel that way is because your father abused you for being gay.” Jack was really starting to admire Spencer’s ability to stay calm. “That kind of psychological trauma forced you to take your anger out on people who reminded you of yourself. You did all of this to subconsciously repeat the cycle your father started. Somewhere in your head you know that. You know that this is wrong. You can surrender know and no one has to get hurt.”

The man pulled the knife away from Jack and he thought it was over. That Spencer had done it. But Jack was suddenly shoved aside and the man took the few steps to Spencer and grabbed him by the throat.

“No!” Jack cried. Pushing himself up and towards Spencer.

“Jack run!”

“No! He gets to see this. He gets to see what a filthy little whore he’s living with. Kid if you run or scream I will snap his neck like a twig understand?” The man squeezed Spencer for emphasis. Jack gulped and nodded quickly.

“Now lets all go upstairs.” Jack followed as the man dragged Spencer up the stairs. Eyes silently pleading with Spencer to give him some genius plan. Something to save us both. But nothing came in reply. The assailant flung Spencer into his and Aarons room and pushed Jack inside to. “Now. Doctor you have an option. You will strip and lay down on the bed. You will do everything I ask and consent to whatever I say. Or I’ll force the kid to do everything in your place.”

“No Spence!” Jack lunged himself at Spencer and was embraced in a soothing and familiar grip.

“Jack. I want you to do everything he asks. Close your eyes and cover your ears. If you get a chance to run you take it.” Spencer whispered in his ear and then shoved him in the corner.

“But-!” Spencer slowly started to take off his clothes with shaking hands.

“Kid stay where you are and don’t move or I’ll kill him. Got it?” Now that Jack had a good look at the guy he could see that he was twice Spencer’s size. Which wasn’t unusual. But he was also probably bigger than his dad too. With defined musculature and a tall stature. As Spencer slowly shed his clothes Jack could already see bruises forming from the rough handling.

When Spencer was fully naked he climbed onto the bed and awaited orders from the unsub. The man simply came to the edge of the bed and ran his hands over Spencer’s pale skin. Spencer trembled and looked away but was suddenly punched in the stomach and curled up. 

“You look at me when I touch you. You look at me or you look at him. So he can see what a disgusting faggot you are when you enjoy it.” Spencer whimpered and nodded. “Take my clothes off.”

With trembling hands Spencer sat up and stripped the man. Then was pushed back down before having his thighs gripped in big hands and forced apart. Spencer tried out when a rough hand moved from his thigh to his cock. Gripping it tightly. Spencer’s delicate skin left purple where the hand had previously been.

“You’re a disgusting, worthless, little slut,” The man emphasized each word by pulling harshly on Spencer’s flaccid dick.

Spencer whimpered but kept completely still. Jack on the other had was shaking with anger. No one but his dad was supposed to touch Spencer. And this man was hurting him. And touching him. And ha had the audacity to verbally degrade Spencer for it.

“Stop it! Don’t hurt him!” Jack screamed at the man. He paused what he was doing to stare at Jack for a minute.

“Why do you care?” Why does he care? Why does he care? Spencer is his family. Spencer is his stepdad and Jack loves him. Spencer is one of his favorite people in the world. Second only to his dad. “He’s your annoying stepdad. He’s your fathers boy-toy.” Jack winced hearing his exact words spoken over the phone to Spencer. “You think what I’m doing now is torture. It’s no different than what you and your dad do every day.”

The man was right. “I was quite surprised that he choose you over himself. You’d think he’d hate you. Just proves how much he really wants it.”

“Jack don’t listen to him. I love you and your dad so much. I won’t ever let anyone hurt you. I promise, just close your eyes and cover your ears. Your going to be fine. Trust me.” Spencer pleaded with the child while the man above him laughed and resumed what he was doing.

But how could Jack close his eyes. How could Jack leave Spencer alone. After all he’s put him through. The least Jack could do was make sure Spencer wasn’t alone.  
Jacks thoughts get cut off by a sharp cry from Spencer. His eyes snapped up to see the man forcing his big purple cock inside Spencer without any prep. Spencer’s breathing picked up and then became labored as the pain overwhelmed him. His arm subconsciously reaching out to Jack and hanging off the bed.

“Beg for it.” Spencer stayed silent. “Beg me to fuck you or I’ll kill him!”

“P-Please. Please give it to me. I want it. Want it so bad. P-please, f-fuck me.”

Jack lost track of time as the man forced himself in and out of his helpless stepdad. Finally reaching his climax after a few agonizing minutes. Minutes where Jack could do nothing to save his adoptive father from the horrors he was experiencing. The man pulled out and sat still for a minute. Then ordered “Flip over.”

Spencer lay still. Dazed and in pain. He didn’t think he could move even if he wanted to. “Flip over! Or the boy takes it instead.” Spencer flipped onto his stomach as fast as he could in the condition he was in and heard Jack finally start sobbing. 

The man picked up the discarded knife from next to Spencer’s head. Jack’s breath hitched as the bastard that raped his stepdad carefully dragged the blade across Spencer’s lower back. Spencer’s glazed over eyes bore a hole into Jack as silent tears broke free of his hold. Jack glared at the man on top of Spencer and watched blood start to drip onto the bed from his back. 

A loud crash came from downstairs and the man jumped off the bed and ran to the door. Jack’s heart skipped a beat as he heard his fathers voice ring out downstairs. “Jack! Spencer!”

“Your fag boyfriend is home.” The man stalked back to the bed but Jack beat him to it. “Guess what he’ll find when he gets here.”

He shoved Jack out of the way and grabbed spencer by the waist. He pulled Spencer to the end of the bed and flipped him over onto his bloody back. His cock breached Spencer’s abused hole again. The door slammed open and right as Aaron came running in, the bloody knife plunged deep into Spencer’s abdomen.

“No!” Both Hotchner’s screamed and lunged for the two on the bed. Spencer’s eyed went wide and his body arched in the unsubs grip. Aaron shot three fatal bullets into the figures back. The man laughed as he dropped the plaint body onto the floor and stepped away.

Jack crawled over to Spencer and held him as best as he could without hurting him more. His father had grabbed the man responsible and was pounding his fists into his face in the doorway.

“Hey it’s ok. Your gonna be ok.” Spencer’s shaking hand came up to cradle Jacks face and attempt to wipe away his tears. “I’m sorry. ‘m sorry. Love you. Love you both. S’much. ‘msorry.”

Jack faintly heard Derek Morgan screaming for a medic. Felt his father pulling Spencer to his chest. But all Jack could focus on was that he should be the one apologizing. He should be sorry. Not Spencer. Never Spencer. Jack held his hand while the EMT’s started strapping him to the gurney. 

His father was pulled away by one of his team. Jack didn’t care which one. But he was kicking and screaming and had to be held down by two of them.

Jack zoned back into reality to hear his dad’s sobs and the EMT’s urgent conversation.

“No! No! Spencer! Baby listen to me. Don’t leave us please we need you.”

“Get the defibrillator!”

“I lost the pulse.”

“Clear!”

“Again”

“Clear!”

“Again”

“Clear!”

Spencer’s body jolted and his chest moved again.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Bright lights met Spencer’s eyes as he blinked into consciousness. He slowly regained awareness and feeling. And he felt pain. As he slowly became more aware the pain dulled into the background and he felt two warm heads on either side of him. With two comforting hands holding his. He looked down and started giggling. Jack and Aaron looked identical. Sleeping on wither side of him with just their heads and arms on the bed.

His giggling woke both of the boys and their heads snapped up at the same time. Twin looks of worry clouding their features. Causing him to laugh harder then wince at the pain.

“Spencer!”

“What happened?” Spencer asked as Aaron squeezed his hand. 

“You picked up Jack from school and took him home to rest. The unsub we were tracking. He followed you. And he-he” Aaron cut off on a sob as fat tears landed on Spencer’s hand. Aaron brought their joint fingers up to press to his mouth. Unable to continue talking.

“Oh my god Jack are you hurt!” Spencer’s attention immediately snapped to his stepson. Jacks face became angry.

“How could you!” Spencer flinched. “How could you worry about me. How could you pick me over you. I was horrible to you. And you still let him do what he did just to protect me!” Spencer suddenly remembers the deal he made with the unsub. “I didn’t deserve it. You should have let him do it to me. You-“

“Don’t you ever say that again. Jack Hotchner. I love you with everything I am. When I signed the adoption papers as your second guardian I made the decision to protect you. No matter what. Nothing you could ever do or say would ever change that. Or take away my love for you.” Spencer said sternly.

Jack simply stared. Eyes slowly filling with tears to wash the anger away. “I love you too. I love you so much and I was so bad to you. Your my dad as much as he is and I wouldn’t be here without you. I’m sorry.”

“Jack we can talk about all that later. Right now Spencer needs to rest.” Aaron still had tears running down his face. But he sat up more to kiss his lover on the head.   
“Go to sleep. I love you so much.”  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
A few hours later, Spencer woke up screaming. “No! No Jack! Don’t hurt him No!”

“Spencer! Wake up. Wake up its over. He can’t hurt you or Jack ever again.” Aaron soothed gently. Jack was with Morgan in the waiting room. Telling the rest of the team what to get for dinner. “Shh. Its ok. Its ok.”

“oh god Aaron.” Spencer sobbed. Turning his face into his lovers caressing palm.

“I know. I know. It’s over. And it will never happen again. I promise.” Spencer only sobbed harder.

“You don’t understand. He made me beg for it. Aaron you can never love me again without knowing what I did. What I let him do.” Spencer cried through hiccups.

“No no baby never. You didn’t do anything wrong. You protected our child. You will never be in the wrong here. And I will always love you. Baby I promise. Nothing will ever change that.”

“No you don’t understand! Aaron he carved his name into my back like a- like a- a tramp stamp! Now every time you look at me you’ll be reminded that I was unfaithful.” Spencer started to loosen his grip on Aarons hand. Trying to pull it away.

“I know. I saw that scaring when they came to change your bandages. The doctor said that the wounds are shallow enough that a scar removal therapy can easily remove them. You will never have to see them. And even if they weren’t, Spencer I would still want you. As long as you’ll have me I will want you. Jack and I have treated you unfairly the past couple of months. And both of us are going to spend the rest of our lives making it up to you. We love you so much baby. I don’t think either of us could function without you anymore.”   
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The next time Spencer woke up he was met with the faces of the rest of his little family. With Henry attempting to climb onto the bed and Will attempting to pull him off.

“Hey now. Let my godson come get some cuddles.”

“Your awake!” 

“It appears so.” Spencer chuckled as Henry was gently placed next to him.

“Smart ass. You really scared us.” Spencer looked up and was met with the caring eyes of Derek Morgan.

“Don’t you ever do that again! Ooh I am so mad at you! Gimme a kiss.” Penelope leaned over Henry to kiss Spencer on the cheek and receive matching one.

“You are never going to be left alone again Spence.” JJ came over and grabbed his hand. Squeezing.

“Oh yeah. Aaron isn’t gonna let you out of his site.” Rossi laughed.

“Damn straight.” Aaron grumbled next to him.

“Yeah neither are the rest of us you problem child.” Prentiss agreed and pat his head.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
When Spencer was finally allowed to be moved back home he found himself hesitant.

“Don’t worry. You guys are sleeping in my room and I’m on the cott till we find a new place.” Jack piped up from behind his wheelchair.

“Are you ok with that? I know you hate moving?” Spencer asked.

“Of course I am. But if you guys try to get it on in my room. I will not hesitate to throw myself out the window. Ow! Dad!” Aaron smacked his son over the head.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Spencer wouldn’t so much as look in a mirror. Let alone allow Aaron to see him naked. Even after the scars we successfully removed. It had been three months since the attack. Their new house was nice and cozy and Aaron figured it was time to address the elephant in the room.

“Babe?”

“Hm.”

“You know that no matter what I love you right. I don’t know if you simply don’t want to have sex anymore, which is completely fine. Or if you don’t want me to see you.” Spencer gulped. He knew his was coming. 

“What if you don’t like what you see. I don’t. God I hardly liked it before. And now when I look at myself all I see are his marks. Even the ones we got rid of.” Spencer looked down at his lap. Aaron gently grabbed his chin and pulled it up to look at him.

“Baby no matter what you will always be beautiful to me. You were before and you are now. I love you so much and I know your strong enough to overcome this.” He pulled Spencer into his lap and cradled him.

“Thank you.”

“So what do you say I replace those marks with my own.” Aaron purred into Spencer's ear. Making the younger man giggle.

“Close the door first! My innocent ears can’t handle this!” Jack shouted from down the hall.


End file.
